Is it just me or has anyone else experienced tiredness so deep that you can feel it down in your bones? I’m talking about the kind of tired that can’t be fixed with a good night’s sleep or the world’s biggest pot of coffee. The kind of tired that makes you want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over your head and stay there. The kind of tired that makes you want to run away to a deserted island with no cell phone reception. This isn’t going to be an easy conversation so buckle up.
I’ve been in hard season for the last 8 years and I’ve reached that kind of tired. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t all been bad. I’ve found a job that I love, friends that give me joy and experiences that I wouldn’t trade. I’ve had the opportunity to travel and I’ve met some beautiful people along the way. In spite of that, I’ve been walking through a period of my life where it’s one battle after another. Just when I think I can take a breath, some crisis emerges that pushes me back into survival mode. I’m the person who is steady and calm in the crisis, who takes charge and reassures others that God has a plan and won’t leave them. If I were being honest, I’d say that comes with a cost if you aren’t prepared or don’t know how to handle it. For me, the cost was anxiety, trying to overcontrol other areas of my life, withdrawal, and high blood pressure. It’s caused me to put up walls to prevent further hurt or to let anyone see my own struggles.
By now, I’m sure you’re thinking geez, how do I even prepare or get through a hard season? One of the best decisions I have made was to start seeing a therapist. I found a therapist that I meshed with and she’s been such a blessing to me. For one, it’s nice to have someone that you can just vent to. Since they’re impartial, no one’s feelings get hurt, you don’t say something in anger that you’ll regret and it’s very therapeutic to get everything out. A therapist is also trained to listen and give you the tools to handle life based on your personality and issues. For example, my therapist looked at me during a session and stated that I was a high anxiety person. You could have knocked me over with a feather as I had no idea! When I told friends, not a single one was surprised and actually said yes you are. Thanks a lot for telling me before! But I digress. The knowledge that I had anxiety and the tools she gave me allowed me to fully understand why I become overwhelmed and why I react the way I do. It also enabled me to fully understand what I needed in those situations to regain my balance and function better.
I wish I could say that this season is over but the truth is I don’t know when it will end. I don’t what you’re going through or how long your season will last either. What I do know is this: God will not only get us through, He will use our hard seasons to create a beautiful story. When I look back over the course of my life, I see how He artfully wove the pieces of my life into the person I am today. While I wish that I could change the circumstances, I wouldn’t change the lessons that I’ve learned or the person that I’ve become. I’ll leave you today with one of my favorite Scriptures.
No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
1 Corinthians 2:9 NLT
and no mind has imagined
what God has prepared
for those who love him.